“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.” – L.R. Knost

When homeschooling we find ourselves navigating feelings, emotions and issues throughout the day. We can feel as if riding the emotional rollercoaster is a familiar pastime, especially when we have teens. 

It often happens that when our children are upset and require our support the most, we find ourselves unprepared during those very moments when we are tired, stressed, sad, or triggered.

It is precisely in those moments when words seem to elude us, leaving us searching for the right thing to say. However, it is also during those exact moments that our children need us the most, relying on our guidance to navigate their emotions and weather the storm. 

We become their trusted emotion-coach, providing the support they require. Our responsibility as homeschooling parents is to embrace our children’s emotions while simultaneously equipping them with the necessary skills to manage those emotions. 

But how can we acquire the expertise to fulfill this role? By incorporating useful tools such as the following emotional parenting phrases, we can embark on the journey of coaching our children through their feelings, helping them navigate from experiencing emotions to expressing them. 

The words we choose when our kids are upset can either diminish their spirits or foster their growth. 

These phrases have the power to cultivate your child’s emotional intelligence; they are phrases that nourish the soul.

1. “It’s okay to be upset. It’s good to let it out.”

As the emotion-coach for your child, one of the initial lessons you’ll want to impart is the importance of experiencing emotions.

By doing so, you acknowledge and validate their feelings, emphasising that emotions, even the negative ones, should not be feared or suppressed. For instance, It seems like you are mad, it’s okay to be mad. It’s good to let that anger come out. 

Your face/body looks sad. It’s okay to feel sad. It is sad to say goodbye. 

2. “I hear you. I’m here for you. I’ll stay with you.”

The best gift you can give to someone is to stay with them in their emotion. To hold that emotion with them. That is something we must give to our children as well.

To simply be with them in that emotional space. To be there. 

You are upset. Let’s sit here for a moment. I’m with you, I’ll stay with you. It’s okay to feel… I won’t leave you. 

The key is being able to separate your child’s emotions from their behaviour.

3. “It’s okay to feel how you feel.  It is not okay to…”

Sometimes it is necessary to use a clear limit in how our child expresses their emotions. It isn’t the emotion that needs to change, but rather how they express it.

For instance, You look like you are really, really angry. It is okay to be angry. It is not okay to hit. I will not let you hit. Let’s go over here together, and you can be angry. This is a very clear statement — hitting is not okay. 

As your parent, I won’t allow you to hit. I will help you regulate your anger. Being angry is okay, and hitting is not okay. 

Taking a break when we are angry, and walking away for a moment, is actually a good way of regulating anger. 

You are teaching your child to give themselves a little space to breathe and time to gain perspective.

 During this time-in, you can coach your child through their anger and help them figure out a better way to solve their issue/frustration. 

4. “How you feel right now won’t last forever.” 

It’s okay to feel how you are feeling. It will pass, and you will feel better again soon.

In-the-moment your child feels (and acts) as if their entire world is ending. No doubt those parenting and homeschooling teenagers can identify here. 

Their emotions are big and overpowering, and they feel that they will never feel better again — which only compounds how they feel.

Remembering that sadness isn’t forever does not lessen our grief. Rather, the knowledge that time does bring relief from sadness and that sooner or later there will be days when we are happy again may allow us to grieve more fully and deeply when we need to.

5. “Let’s take a breath, take a break, sit down, and pause for a minute.”

It is a hard thing, to sit with an emotion. To just feel it — live in it. But if we allow ourselves to be in the moment with our emotions, we can let them go easier.

They don’t fester deep inside until they get so big they explode out of us again.

We can teach our kids that when emotions are big, it’s okay to sit with them for a minute. 

You can sit quietly, or you can ask them how they feel. Another option is that you can describe how feelings feel to you, thereby building their own emotional intelligence. They may relate or change what you say with their own descriptions as you talk.

For instance, When I feel that upset, I feel like I can’t catch my breath, so I try to breathe slowly. Sometimes I feel a little embarrassed too, and a little hurt. I feel like my heart is a bit bruised. 

After a few minutes, my heart feels better, and I feel like I can go on with my day. 

For younger children especially, using tools that will help them identify their emotions is powerful. Emotions are abstract, and children, even adults, find it hard to describe them. 

6. “You are good and kind.”

Being angry or frustrated is not being bad. Yet, sometimes, when we are emotional, we don’t always make the best choices.

Our kids may make mistakes or bad choices, but that is how they act, not who they are. Some children find that past school experiences have caused them to blur those lines. In a large cohort of children often a teacher must react to the behaviour and doesn’t have the opportunity to understand the emotion behind it. 

When homeschooling you have a unique time in your childs development to either change the narrative they have had at school or to ensure they know that they are good and kind. 

Research shows that telling children they are kind leads to more generosity. We want our kids to know that no matter how they are feeling, they are good and kind. You were angry and you didn’t mean those unkind words about your brother. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we are mad.

You are a kind boy and next time you will choose your words more carefully. What do you think would make your brother feel better? This also helps our children with their friendships. 

Young children like categories and labels — it’s part of how they think. 

They may label another child as “bad” because of something that child did, maybe it was impulsive, maybe they didn’t think before acting, maybe they were emotional and made a bad choice — but they are not “bad.” 

This is an important distinction to learn in early childhood, and a chance to change the emotional reactions of older children. 

7. “I’ll be over here when you need me.”

As parents we are always striving to be validating and acknowledging children’s emotions, but sometimes kids escalate their emotions as a means of monopolising parents. 

We have all had those moments where no matter what you try, the issue and reaction continues to grow to enormous proportions. 

This is a big clue for parents that your child needs some one-on-one time. But not right now, later when things are calm again.

How do you know when it is an escalation? 

When your child refuses a hug or comfort and cries harder. Or when all the tactics that usually work fall flat. Giving unending validation and acknowledgment at times like this can backfire, potentially even enabling the tantrum or escalation of emotion.

In this case what might be needed is a “Feeling Break,”. In this case you can still acknowledge your child’s emotions while giving them a chance to regulate themselves. “I can see you are really upset about this. It’s okay to be upset.

It doesn’t seem like what I am saying is helping. You remember what to do when you’re upset, and you remember how to calm down. I’ll be over here when you need me.” You aren’t abandoning your child with their emotions, you are trusting them to put some of the strategies in place that you have taught them. It’s okay to give them space to regulate. 

They may ask for you to come back and that’s fine. After a short while, you might check on them and ask if they need a hug. Or, they may just need a little time on their own — we all do sometimes!

8. “Let’s have a Do-over!”

Here’s the scene: You’ve planned a fun Euka Science lesson activity. You are so excited!! 

You are trying to get everyone organised— emotion and excitement are high. Something happens, your child has hurt a sibling, the kids are fighting, and you are so disappointed. This was not at all what you had planned. 

Stopping and dealing with the situation may be just the thing to get you back on track- She didn’t mean to hit you in the eye with her coat sleeve, and you know it’s not okay to hit ever. 

Let’s have a do-over!! Let’s try it all again!! How can we do it better this time?? Sometimes everyone needs a chance to reset. Sometimes kids know they have messed up and they want to save face, they want a chance to do it better.

The chance for a do-over is not always appropriate, for example, if feelings have been deeply hurt a do-over can be dismissive of the person with hurt feelings. 

But, often when homeschooling it is the little tiffs that we let get under our skin that pile-up and become more and more frustrating. 

Call it a “do-it-over” moment and start out with a clean slate. 

9. “What can we learn from this? What is the lesson in this?” 

Teaching our children that there is a growth moment when we struggle is so important. That there is growth in our pain, disappointment, anger. Problems that are hard to solve lead to opportunities and that it is through our mistakes that we grow. 

This is not just true for homeschooling moments as it is true for relationships, for friendships, and for dealing with hard social situations. Often feeling sad can make us doubt ourselves. But teaching our children to stop and think about emotions as more than just an enemy of happiness is so valuable. 

What is the emotion trying to tell us? 

Maybe that we handled a situation wrong. Maybe to try again and not give up. Maybe not everyone is a good friend. Maybe that we haven’t been a good friend and that we need to apologise. 

When they can learn that emotions are not just random things that happen to us, but rather that emotions are lessons. Emotions are the fabric that connects to the ones we love.

10. “You’ll Remember Next Time.”

When your child does something they shouldn’t do and you correct their behaviour– say this. Or when you’ve worked through a tantrum and taught them better ways to express their emotion, before they go onto the next thing say, “You’ll remember next time.” 

This one simple phrase communicates so much to a child. It tells them that just because they messed up today isn’t a permanent situation and that they can change. 

It gives something positive to focus on, “You’ll remember next time to use your words.” You’ll remember next time to share how you feel before it gets you so overwhelmed. 

It also helps them resolve their current feelings and gives them a sense of relief and a desire to try next time.

The goal of becoming your child’s emotional intelligence coach is to empower them to change their behaviour from within.

To read more about the benefits of homeschooling with Euka Future Learning, where you’ll find the guidance, resources, and support you need to provide your child with a quality education, visit www.euka.edu.au 

Remember, Euka Future Learning is here to guide you through the entire homeschooling process and ensure your child receives a quality education tailored to their needs.

The EUKA curriculum offers a well-rounded, interest-based approach tailored to your child’s unique needs and learning style. 

Don’t miss the opportunity to provide your child with an enriching and enjoyable learning experience.

 Contact us at (02) 7257 7900 and speak to one of our team about your child’s future learning.